Transcribed from my video at www.youtube.com/askvictoria.
A viewer asks whether or not he should stay in a relationship in which his girlfriend has admitted she loves someone else more. His self esteem and the lack thereof is the real issue.
Today I’m answering a viewer question from ferryman36. You ask whether you should stay with your girlfriend, who you say is more in love with another man, and you’re having what you call rational jealousy. Your head says go, your heart says stay. I’m here to tell you that you need to want more for yourself, ferryman. You need to operate from your own agenda, or you will not be able to live with her, in the long run, or with yourself. You will end up resenting her and yourself. You also say that she wants to be in a relationship with you, even though she loves someone else more. She’s telling you that. She wants to be in a relationship with you because she doesn’t want to be in another failed relationship. That’s fine and dandy for her—that’s her agenda—but what about your agenda? Why don’t you demand more for yourself?
(1:17) I want to give you a quick piece of advice, based on what you’re saying: Don’t stay in a relationship in which someone has blatantly, honestly declared that they love someone else more than you. You deserve to be party number one in a person’s life, when you’re in a relationship with them. You deserve to be loved first and foremost, and you deserve to have that in your life. So I really want to give you some strong urging to say farewell to this person, and seek out a person who sees you as a priority.
(1:47) The other thing I’d like to ask you, ferryman36, is, “Are you a priority in your own life?” Do you say in relationships that what you want counts? I would probably bet no. I want you to work on your self-esteem, your self-love. Work on your sense of taking care of yourself first, because if you do not take care of yourself first, I promise you, no one else will. Keep me posted, ferryman36.
Victoria Lorient-Faibish MEd, CCC, RPP, RPE
Holistic Psychotherapist
Masters in Educational Psychology
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Registered Polarity Practitioner
Registered Polarity Educator
Reiki Master
New Decision Therapy
I think its seems easy to understand that if someone tells you that they love someone else more, that the inverse, “they don’t love you that much,” is also true. I don’t love you that much, doesn’t have to mean I don’t love you at all, does it? This se ems like a situation where any thing less than “all the time, the most” isn’t good enough. Is that true? I’m in a situation where I’m being accused of loving a child more than my wife. I didn’t even think that was possible. I could never love anyone more than her. I think she is just jealous of the kid and insecure about herself. But I’m caught up in the middle of it. Can I reconcile the relationship between my wife and son? Can I reconcile the relationship between her and me? I feel guilty, actually, I don’t feel guilty. Everytime I do something nice for my son, she claims it proves that I don’t love her as much as him. I really want us to be able to both love each other and him together. She says she loves him, too. I really want to believe that, but I think I’m being naive to think it’s possible. How can I prove that I love her, and get her to believe me?- uggh rereading that question sounds like something a stalker would ask.
In opinion same thing happening with me but still im with her cause for loving her even i dont need her so how i can stop loving her??
People are saying one sided love is hurting u i would say one sided love has most beautiful feelings tht if u feel tht feeling ur love will increase day by day challenge love someone from heart u will enjoy the life if they love u or not