Waiting for the Other Shoe To Drop!

I'd like to talk about something you might be able to relate to: people who are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. People who are waiting for negative things to happen, even when they're in a positive situation—a good relationship, a good job—but they're constantly waiting for the negative outcome to occur, so they go about the business of unconsciously sabotaging what's there, so at least they are in control of the ending. Life isn't in control, they are, and they think they get to avoid disappointment, feeling like life is constantly doing a number on them, because they are in control. But what I find occurs is that they are not in the moment. If you're doing this, you're not in the moment. Basically (I hate to use this word) you're shitting on the moment. You're saying, “The moment's not important. I can't see the moment. I can't learn anything from the moment. What I'm going to do is worry, consistently, obsessively, about the fact that it's going to end, or something bad is going to occur,” so you totally negate the precious divinity of the relationship you're in, or the job you're in. That makes for a very small life.

(1:26) You've got to accept that in life, no matter what, there is disappointment, and people might not live up to your expectations. Jobs end, relationships end, and if you constantly avoid those things, what you end up with is a safe, small life, and I believe that a life well lived is a life in which you are a player in your life. You're trying, you're risking—not foolishly, but you're risking by getting into relationships with people. And usually, relationships with people are uncontrollable. You can't control what another person thinks or says or does. All you can do is control your own thoughts and feelings. The reality is, if you consistently avoid relationships and permanence, like commitment, or if you avoid different risks, you're basically living a very small life, and the likelihood of learning from life's events is very small, because you are avoiding those “being-in-the-momentnesses” of life. I want you to really stop that if you realize you're doing it, because there is so much more to life. I know it's easy to hook into negative thinking, and worst-case-scenarios, but if you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, feeling the bad thing is going to happen, then you really are negating the moment. And the other shoe may drop. The bad thing may happen. They may leave you, it may not be perfect, but that's just life. Accept that that's what is life. Stop trying to control it. Stop thinking, “That's not what life is. Life is safe.” It's not. Life is full of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and disappointments and expectations that are dashed. But that's OK, because at least you're alive, and you're learning, and you're part of it. That's what I want for you.