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Viewer Question: Should I leave her if she loves him more?

September 03, 2008

A viewer asks whether or not he should stay in a relationship in which his girlfriend has admitted she loves someone else more. His self esteem and the lack thereof is the real issue.

Tags: self esteem relationships jealousy  

Today I'm answering a viewer question from ferryman36. You ask whether you should stay with your girlfriend, who you say is more in love with another man, and you're having what you call rational jealousy. Your head says go, your heart says stay. I'm here to tell you that you need to want more for yourself, ferryman. You need to operate from your own agenda, or you will not be able to live with her, in the long run, or with yourself. You will end up resenting her and yourself. You also say that she wants to be in a relationship with you, even though she loves someone else more. She's telling you that. She wants to be in a relationship with you because she doesn't want to be in another failed relationship. That's fine and dandy for her—that's her agenda—but what about your agenda? Why don't you demand more for yourself?

(1:17) I want to give you a quick piece of advice, based on what you're saying: Don't stay in a relationship in which someone has blatantly, honestly declared that they love someone else more than you. You deserve to be party number one in a person's life, when you're in a relationship with them. You deserve to be loved first and foremost, and you deserve to have that in your life. So I really want to give you some strong urging to say farewell to this person, and seek out a person who sees you as a priority.

(1:47) The other thing I'd like to ask you, ferryman36, is, “Are you a priority in your own life?” Do you say in relationships that what you want counts? I would probably bet no. I want you to work on your self-esteem, your self-love. Work on your sense of taking care of yourself first, because if you do not take care of yourself first, I promise you, no one else will. Keep me posted, ferryman36.
 

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